Is Social Media effecting your relationships?....Stretch Yourself

I was in a state of total peace.  Meditating.  I sat down and cleared my mind and started to visualize.  In the present moment.  Shaking hands with excited, passionate, people as I finish an empowering speech; sharing ideas and meeting wonderful people throughout the meeting.  Like a basketball player visualizing the game being played before it starts, I was in my zen. 

A loud noise interrupts my thoughts and chi….the phone was ringing.

What I wasn’t expecting what she said when I clicked over my cellphone.

“I was on your Facebook page this morning and I enjoyed what you wrote, but I saw that _____ clicked liked on your article.  Are you still friends with her?”

“Yes, I’ve known her as long as I known you.”

“You know we’re not speaking anymore, and she’s just replying on your page to get at me.  I thought you de-friended her off your page after our disagreement.”

“No, I didn’t.  Just because you and her are at odds doesn’t mean that I am too.”

“Is that so?  Are you going to de-friend her or not?”

“I don’t wish to continue this conversation because my answer won’t make you happy.  I will talk to you later.”

And, no, I’m not happy about it.  I can’t even imagine that Facebook is affecting relationships in this manner. 

Like many social networking sites, Facebook is one of the most highly used resources for both professional and personal use.  Many people, including myself, frequent Facebook many times a day, either on a computer or a mobile device.  When one spends so much time of Facebook the lines between friendship, relationships, and reality begin to blur. So much to the point that we forget the human aspect of relationships like contacting, meeting, and socializing face to face, especially with the people that has been in our lives BEFORE Facebook was ever in existence. 

With technology advancing faster than people can communicate, some people are using social media sites to make up for skills they either lack or need to strengthen.  Based on this one given truth, the content we post on Facebook can end up affecting different aspects of their relationships.

Social Media sites like Facebook shouldn’t make dating or even your existing relationships with significant others more complicated even though they mimic real relationships in many cases.  With that being said, so here is some Social Media etiquette that should be implemented, talked about, and even discussed with your significant other.  After all, what did we do BEFORE Facebook statuses and clicking ‘like’ or ‘poke’?  We talked.

1. Can you change your relationship status?
1. When you BOTH agree that you are OK with going public as an exclusive couple (and that people will be talking/asking about it.) If you break up — it is only right to you to publicly sever that tie since you went public. 

2. Can I contact someone my significant other “friended” and let them know that he/she is taken?
1. NEVER. If you do this, you look like a crazy person — no matter what. If your date isn’t making it clear that they are off the market, you need to talk to your date and not the people they “friend.” 

3. When can I “friend” my significant other’s friends?
1. This one is a slippery slope. The safest rule of thumb… let his/her friends approach you with a friend request. Keep in mind that these are also people who will have access to your profile should you and their friends have a nasty break up. Are you going to de-friend them if that happens? 

4. When is flirty conversation on Facebook too much?
1. Personally, I feel that there are two types of flirts; one that just flirts for the attention, and the other that flirts to test the waters for other intentions. If it was permitted before you and your significant other became an item, it is only out of respect for the relationship that is SHOULDN’T continue.  If it does and you get caught, don’t blame Facebook, blame yourself 

5. Should my significant other be allowed access to my account?
1. This one is very simple.  NO!  If your significant other is not connected with you on the social scene,  you asking or even having access to their account only breeds mistrust.  And a relationship that has a foundation in mistrust will always crumble.  The trust you don't have for them is the trust you don't share with yourself, so ask yourself the question?  Should my significant other have access to MY account?  Whatever you respond with is the right answer for you.

All in all, social media requires a greater understanding of not only respect and communication but common sense in handling your relationships.  Social media communities are real vibrant relationships, real, stimulating conversations, and as such, they should be treated like they are real If you value your relationship, let the person you’re dating know how much of your life you are comfortable sharing over social media. 

Remember It’s not about a me, myself, and I mentality. It’s about you and the relationships you keep;  Are you stretching yourself or just going through the motions?  Only one person knows for sure.

I look forward to connecting with you soon.